oh noo .. ;( ♥

riqht now i`m just really not positiveee about anythinq ..

i`m just so upset ..

i miss him so much .

riqht now it just hit me like a truckk ..

he`s .. he`s not cominq back ..

& it hurts , a lot .

it`s been almost a year .

and it just makes me cry .

like , i need to write out how i feel .

i think it`ll make me feel better ,

but it doesn`t .

i don`t know what i`m doinq riqht now , honestly , i don`t even know why i`m here . but i can only wish that i could be HALF the person , the amazinqly talented , qreat person that michael was .

this sounds really stupid riqht now , but i`d qive up anythinq just for mike to come back . even if he never knew me , nothinq , just for his children to have their dad back , that would mean the world to me .

it`s not their fault . it really isn`t . and the stuff that their left to deal with after their father`s passinq is not riqht . realizinq this makes me cry .

i wanted him to come back so bad , i`ve studied for a year now the possible ways michael could be alive . but he`s not . i need to realize that he`s qone .

but it`s just so hard to let qo to what i`ve become so attached to .

in a year , i`ve learned every michael jackson sonq there is , i`ve learned how to moonwalk , i`ve learned every "hee hee" , "shamone , shamone" , and crotch qrab there is , and most importantly , i`ve learned what a qreat person michael jackson REALLY is . what a humanitarian , what an amazinq sinqer , father , what a qivinq , lovinq , amazinq , misunderstood , hilarious , adorable , lonely , person he was .

it still hurts . i`m thinkinq of ways to try and make it hurt a little less , ways to make me not think about it . like it never even happened .

but it does hurt and it did happen .

and i can`t let qo to somethinq i`ve qrown SO attached to .

i`ve qrown to love someone i`ve never even met .

it`s never qoinq to qo away , my love for michael . my love for his children , his brothers , his sisters , his entire family .

i never even thouqht of anyone from the jackson family . actually , i didn`t even realize there were other members of the jackson family OTHER than michael and janet . but now i know who they all are , i know their birth order , i know their birth dates , i know their full names . yeah , i know the jackon`s like a reliqion .

but once i qet into somethinq , i qo all the way .

since june 25th is cominq up , i`m not quite sure how i`m qoinq to handle it yet ..

it`ll be all over tv , all over the radio , everyone at school will be talkinq about it , makinq fun of me .

i don`t know what i`m qoinq to do at school . i`m qoinq to cry . all day .

i miss him so much . i feel worse than the day i found out he passed .

i watch youtube videos of him all day , i have all the movies , all the books , watch all the shows , you name it , i know it .

and it`s probably a tad obsessive , but hey , if that`s how i am , that`s how i am .

i love michael jackson , and no one will ever chanqe that .

he`s my idol , he`s my world , he`s my everythinq .

i can only pray that he`s in a better place and he`s safe from all the news and filthy tabloid trash . he went throuqh horrible thinqs when he was here on earth with us , no human beinq , ESPECIALLY michael jackson , with all the work with children , humanitarianism , and everythinq he did for the world .

yeah , qo ahead , call him "wacko jacko" , "pedo" , "monkey lover" , whatever you want . that`s never qoinq to chanqe my mind about who he was . an amazinq , lovinq , blessed , talented , father who wanted the world for his children and would qive anythinq for anyone .

be respectful when you`re speakinq about him .

thank you for everythinq you`ve ever done for the world , for the children , for your children .

we love you michael , the world loves you , we appreciate you , we respect you .

michael , i love you from the bottom of my heart ♥

rest in peace michael joseph jackson

1958-2009 ♥

forever younq . <33